


high above me (so lovely)

by cecropia



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, One Shot, Recreational Drug Use, Shotgunning, all 18 in this story tho, also they're teenagers what do u expect, implied galaxy gals, jared's a little shit, they smoke weed, ummmm nothing sexual but like it mentions that connor's got a semi so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-28 20:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20972417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecropia/pseuds/cecropia
Summary: “Weed just smells bad. Makes me— makes me cough and stuff, because. Because it’s not supposed to be in your lungs.”Connor hums in thought.“Might help you,” He says after a while, looking up at Evan through his lashes. “I could make it… easier if you wanted to, y’know. Try it again.”





	high above me (so lovely)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YellowMustard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YellowMustard/gifts).

> dedicated to all the times i've randomly woken up and my brain has been like she's so HIIIIEIEIEIIIGH, HIGH ABOVE ME, SHE'S SO LOVELY  
oh, and also YellowMustard. she's so sososo lovely. (surprise motherfucker)  
tw's for recreational drug use and some reference to boners, but that's it. read the tags y'all!!!! thank u so much for reading ily<333
> 
> come talk to me! c-e-c-r-o-p-i-a on tumblr :-)  


“You have got...” Jared sighs, laughing just a bit, “...to try this again, my dude.  _ Especially _ with all that… anxiety shit you got going on.”

Zoe motions for the joint. “Don’t pressure him,” She chides, plucking it out of Jared’s hand. “He’ll do it if he wants.”

She takes a long drag, holding it for a second, chest puffed out, and then releases the breath as she relaxes into Connor’s old beanbag chair. Her eyes slip closed, and Alana’s mouth drops open as she watches in awe. Evan’s sure she would be commenting about consent or something about teen drug usage rates if she weren’t so preoccupied. 

“I just— I don’t like the, um. The coughing.”

“You get over it,” Jared waves him off with an eye roll. 

Suddenly Connor takes a deep breath, adjusting his shoulders. His head shifts a bit where it’s resting in Evan’s lap and it makes him jump just a bit, his hands tensing in Connor’s hair. 

“You don’t  _ have _ to do anything,” Connor tells him flatly, craning his head back to glance at Evan. A surge of affection flares in his chest. 

“I know.”

And then Connor shuts his eyes again, rolling one of his shoulders and sighing as he relaxes. And, like. Evan’s the opposite of relaxed right about now. He’s got his best friend endlessly shifting his head around on Evan’s lap, on his fucking  _ crotch _ for fuck’s sake, and he’s sure his face is beet red because Zoe’s just staring at him, blinking accusingly at him like  _ just tell him, you idiot _ , and Jared keeps sending him strings of text that only consist of the eggplant and water droplet emojis. 

And throughout all of this, Evan’s supposed to pretend like he’s not fighting off a boner. 

He doesn’t even know why Connor wanted to lay in his lap anyway. Evan’s legs can’t be comfortable to lay on, and based on the way Connor’s constantly moving around, they  _ aren’t _ comfortable. But still as the five of them sat down and a few decided to smoke, saying something about alleviating finals stress, Evan had plopped down on Connor’s floor against the wall hoping to remain sort of invisible. But Connor had followed him, because of course he did, settling down in front of Evan’s crossed legs and leaning back against him like it was the most normal thing in the entire world. 

And then it’s not like he could just sit there with Connor’s head in his lap and  _ not _ run his hands through Connor’s supremely soft hair. Because it would look really weird if he just sat there with his hands on the ground or hovering over Connor, he’d look as uncomfortable as he is and then someone would point it out, he’s  _ sure _ of it ( _ Jared _ ), so he just. Tentatively rested his hands on Connor’s head. 

But what he didn’t expect was for Connor to ever-so-slightly push his head back into Evan’s hands, letting this long breath out through his nose and fluttering his eyes shut when Evan hesitantly combed through his hair with his fingers and. Fuck.

Alana’s noticed his internal struggle from across the room, apparently, taking a break from ogling Zoe to shift her attention to the two of them. She studies them silently, raising an eyebrow at Evan as she glances from him to Connor and back again. Evan avoids eye contact. 

The sound of that rickety old fan is the only thing Evan can hear besides a few stray cars making their way through the sprinkling of rain outside, smoke flowing out the open window every so often. It makes him fidgety, the silence; makes him grateful for the fact that Connor’s here in his lap because he can gently untangle Connor’s curls in place of picking at his cuticles. He wishes they had music on or something. 

Evan’s legs are falling asleep. 

“You comfortable, Murphy?” Jared asks, but Connor seems to miss the goading tone that’s coupled with it because the corner of his mouth turns up a bit, but he doesn’t respond. Evan makes it a point to look anywhere but at Jared’s stupid face. 

After a minute of silence, Connor pipes up. “Very,” He mumbles, opening his eyes. He blinks a few times. “Who’s got the joint?”

Evan’s phone buzzes beside him and Jared ‘subtly’ clears his throat, forcing Evan to glance up at him as Zoe passes Connor the joint and shoot him the deadliest glare he can muster. 

But nonetheless, he rolls his eyes and reluctantly removes his hands from Connor’s hair, reaching over to check his phone, and. 

  
  


**Jared** : lol looks like Gerard Gay has a thing for hair pulling 

**Evan** : what are u talking about

**Jared** : seriously????

**Jared** : dude I’ve got prime seating for Murphy’s Dick Show and he’s definitely enjoying whatever’s going on over there

  
  


A third text comes through but Evan’s absolutely not looking at his phone right now; in fact, his phone is the last thing he ever wants to look at again because Connor’s long legs are sprawled out in front of him and he’s got a semi. 

Another wave of heat floods Evan’s cheeks and he coughs, choking on his spit, which of course makes Connor glance up at him. 

“You good? Is it the smell?”

He immediately locks his phone, clearing his throat. “Oh, um— no, I’m— I mean, yes, it’s, um— the— the smell, y’know.”

Connor’s still looking at him. He’s probably being super obvious with his fucking face right now, because there’s no denying that it’s red, and Connor looks unbelievably pretty right now with his flushed cheeks and hooded eyes and parted lips and Evan’s. Having  _ thoughts _ about him. 

He gets another text, presumably from Jared, but like, fuck Jared. 

Connor takes Evan’s wrist and brings a hand back to his hair, and Evan’s very much having thoughts about him now.  _ Specific _ ones. He sets his phone down to tangle both hands in Connor’s hair, and when he looks up Jared’s got his face inches away from his phone. The unmistakable  _ buzz buzz buzz  _ coming from the floor beside him is enough for him to connect the dots. 

“When are you all leaving again?” Connor mumbles. 

Evan’s hands pause their movements. 

“Not you,” He corrects himself, only for Evan to hear.

“Um… we can leave now, I guess,” Zoe says slowly, and Evan immediately trains his eyes on Connor again. He doesn’t want to see the looks on their faces. 

“Alright,” Connor sighs happily. 

There’s a little bit of a pause and then Zoe scoffs, pushing out of the bean bag chair. “They’re unbelievable,” She mutters to Alana, pulling her up with both hands. 

“I’m not fuckin’ leaving,” Jared says, all too proud of himself. “I  _ definitely _ don’t wanna miss  _ this _ .”

Evan shoots him daggers with his glare. 

“ _ Alright _ , okay, I’m leaving. Fine.” 

Jared dusts off his knees for whatever reason when he stands up, making a big show out of stretching out his arms and cracking his back. 

“Okay, well. See you losers later,” Jared says pointedly at Connor, and Zoe opens the door. They all stand there, waiting for Connor to say he’s just joking or at least give them a reason that he’s kicking them out. 

“Mmhmm,” Connor hums, noncommittal. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Jared whispers as they all shuffle out of the room, and Evan’s face is actually on fire when the door finally clicks behind them. 

But now that he doesn’t have the pressure of three very judgemental and knowing friends watching his every move, Evan combs through Connor’s hair with his fingers and just  _ watches _ . It sounds weird, yeah, but sometimes he just enjoys watching Connor’s chest rise and fall, watching his hands twitch where they rest on his stomach, or his Adam’s apple bob when he swallows and his eyes moving beneath his eyelids, lashes fluttering against his cheeks.

He looks so…  _ relaxed _ , is the thing. Evan’s pretty sure that  _ relaxed _ is a rare thing for Connor to be since his main moods are defensive and paranoid and snappy, at least when they’ve been around people for a certain amount of time. And Connor’s being weirdly affectionate, letting himself be poked and touched and fawned over, and if a little bit of weed can do that for Connor, then...

“Whatcha thinking about?” Connor asks him out of the blue. 

And since Connor’s being vulnerable, Evan decides at that moment that he can, too. 

“Weed,” He answers simply, because it’s not a  _ lie _ , he just. Didn’t happen to mention that he was thinking super inappropriate things about his best friend too.

Connor purses his lips. “You don’t smoke weed.”

“I know.”

“ _ I _ do.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s nice.”

“It… looks nice,” Evan admits, uncurling a lock of Connor’s hair and watching it curl back up again. His voice totally doesn’t crack when he talks, and he  _ totally _ isn’t trying to say that it’s Connor that looks nice, because that’s weird. “Weed just smells bad. Makes me— makes me cough and stuff, because. Because it’s not supposed to  _ be in your lungs _ .”

Connor hums in thought. 

“Might help you,” He says after a while, looking up at Evan through his lashes. “I could make it…  _ easier _ if you wanted to, y’know. Try it again.”

Admittedly, Evan does want to try it again. Especially when he’s got Connor all to himself instead of what seems like a million people (Jared, Alana, Zoe) chanting at him to  _ smoke it, smoke it. _

And the idea of making it ‘... _ easier’ _ is pretty intriguing. 

Maybe if their whole group hadn’t been there, he would have been able to focus more on Connor’s gentle instructions instead of worrying about if he was holding it right, if he did the right thing or if he was gonna just make a complete fool of himself in front of everyone. And the guy he’s kind of in love with. And the friends who  _ know _ that Evan’s in love with him.

But maybe he won’t have to worry about that with just Connor. 

“We could… we could do that.”

A grin spreads across Connor’s face. It’s lovely. He raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Um. Yeah.”

He wraps Connor’s hair around his fingers, desperate for something to do with his hands because the idea of actually trying weed again is kind of terrifying. In a good, exciting way, but still. Terrifying. 

And then he starts to think about all of the possibilities. Like, what if he fucks it up somehow? What if Connor’s  _ easier _ way of doing things isn’t easier at all? What if—

“Ow,” Connor mutters, gently placing a hand on top of Evan’s. 

“Shit— sorry,” Evan breathes, completely removing his hands from the situation and planting them on the floor on either side of him. 

Connor’s sitting up now with a groan, stretching his arms over his head and linking his hands together so that his shoulders pop and his neck cracks a couple of times when he leans to the side, and his shirt lifts a little bit so Evan can see the small of his back which is.  _ Distracting _ . And then Connor grabs the unlit joint and the lighter from the windowsill where Zoe left it, crawling back to Evan and sitting cross-legged in front of him. 

“So,” Connor starts, flicking the lighter on and putting the joint between his teeth. Once it’s good and lit, he takes it between two fingers and pulls the smoke into his mouth, accentuating his fucking jawline and, like. Evan can’t even help but just stare. Connor holds it there for a second before breathing in, promptly followed by a long exhale and a puff of smoke, and. This is too  _ much _ , Evan just has to say  _ something _ , he  _ has _ to, because. Connor’s fucking hot and if he doesn’t say something Connor’s gonna  _ know,  _ he’s gonna know that Evan’s fucking ogling him. “So I’m just gonna—“

“Is it— I’m sorry— is it gonna make me, like… tweak out? Because I’ve heard that weed makes people with anxiety extra anxious and I don’t know if I’m prepared for an anxiety attack right now, um, because I’m actually having a pretty good time and I’d like to keep it that way for— for as long as possible, and—“

“No, it’s not. Don’t worry.”

Evan breathes a sigh of relief that doesn’t relieve any stress at all. “Okay. Okay, cool.”

“That’s only if, like, you take a million hits the first time you smoke.”

And, like. What if Evan takes the equivalent of a million hits because he sucks too hard or something? Or what if he’s so fucked up that Connor’s not looking and he steals the joint and takes another hit? And then he, like, overdoses on fucking  _ weed _ ? Or like, tries to make out with Connor and then makes it weird and then Connor  _ never wants to speak to him again _ ?

“Oh, okay. Cool. That’s good.”

“Evan?”

“...Connor.”

“You’re freaking out.”

“ _ No _ , I’m— I’m  _ not— _ “

He’s freaking out. 

Connor looks at him seriously. “We don’t have to do this.”

“No, no, I  _ want _ to, I just. It’s like, I trust you, but my mind is like  _ your anxiety is probably so bad that you’re gonna be the rare case where one hit makes you have a heart attack and die _ . You know what I mean?”

Connor blinks at him. “Yeah, we’re not doing this.”

And as much as Evan’s fucking terrified, he’d hate himself forever if he let this opportunity go. 

“ _ No _ , wait—“ He grabs Connor’s arm. Connor wearily looks him over. “You said… you said it helps? It helps you?”

“Yeah,” Connor says softly with a nod. 

“And… you said you’re gonna make it easier?”

Connor smirks at him. Evan has to hold his breath to keep in the anticipation bubbling at the back of his throat. “Yep.”

“Hm.” Evan lowers his hands to his lap. They’re shaking. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep. I’m ready.”

Connor narrows his eyes with a slight smile and then takes a breath. “Okay, so what we’re gonna do is—“

“I  _ just— _ “ Evan interrupts him. “I’m sorry, I just— I have another question.”

Connor attempts to hold back an eye roll. “Okay, go.”

“Um, so— is it— is this the one that makes you itchy, or...?”

“Evan. That’s  _ meth _ .”

“Right. Right. Okay. I’m ready now.”

Connor stares at him for a second, eyes sparkling with amusement. “Are you?”

Evan smiles, nods. “Yes.”

“You sure?”

“One-hundred percent.”

Connor licks his lips. Evan can’t look at anything else. “So.” Connor waits a couple of seconds, presumably for Evan to ask another question. He doesn’t. “Okay. I’m gonna kind of take a hit, right? But I’m not gonna breathe it in, I’m just gonna hold it. Then I’m gonna lean close to you and, like… breathe it… into your mouth.”

“Oh,” Evan exhales, feeling heat rush to his cheeks. He feels dizzy. 

Connor’s smiling just a bit. “So you gotta have your mouth open, obviously. And then you’re gonna breathe it in. It should make you cough less since you don’t actually have to pull it into your mouth, so. Got it?”

Evan’s brain is trying to cycle through the steps and commit them to memory, but it keeps skipping everything else and coming back to  _ breathe it into your mouth _ . 

“Um. Yeah. Got it.”

“Do you?” Connor teases, narrowing his eyes. He’s flicking the lighter absentmindedly with one hand. 

“Yep. Definitely.”

It’s not a lie, technically. He doesn’t really have to do much anyway, and he’s pretty sure he’s going to remember this conversation for the rest of his life. 

“Okay, cool. You ready?” Connor asks, raising his eyebrows seriously. And he’d never tell Connor this, but at this moment he looks just like his dad. 

“I’m ready.”

“Alright, last chance to back out,” He sing-songs, bringing the joint to his lips. 

Evan’s heart flips over. “Not backing out.”

Connor shrugs. “Okay, here we go.”

“Okay.”

Connor looks down one more time before locking eyes with Evan. He feels his palms start to sweat. Connor pulls the smoke into his mouth agonizingly slow, and then he motions for Evan to move closer. So Evan does, he hesitates and then leans in and then Connor’s hands are on his  _ jaw _ and  _ fuck _ , he can’t focus on anything but the fact that Connor’s holding his face like they’re gonna  _ kiss _ and Evan just really wants that to happen. 

Oh god, he’s supposed to be doing something, right? Connor’s thumbs press down on his bottom lip, which. It makes him feel  _ some type of way, _ and oh, right, Evan’s supposed to  _ open his mouth.  _ For _ Connor’s mouth _ . He lets his lips part and he can feel Connor’s breath, he can feel Connor’s bottom lip pressing against  _ his _ fucking bottom lip and he’s gonna lose his goddamn mind. 

They’re basically kissing, right? Almost. This is an almost-kiss and Connor’s shutting his eyes and fuck if this isn’t the most weirdly intimate thing they’ve ever done. 

Connor presses his lips slightly harder to Evan’s, and Evan’s pretty sure he doesn’t have to do that, and then he breathes out, smoke billowing around them, and it’s only after a second of freaking the fuck out that Evan remembers to breathe in. The sensation of breathing in smoke is always weird, like some strange internal tickling that makes it feel like he needs to stop breathing this shit, like,  _ immediately _ , but he powers through and as Connor leans back just enough for his face to be in focus, measuring Evan up with a lazy blink, he’s able to breathe it back out and only has to clear his throat once. 

It feels like his mind is racing a million thoughts a second.  _ Did we just kiss  _ and _ we totally just kissed  _ and _ what the fuck why did he touch my mouth like that  _ and _ did he really have to make our lips touch like that  _ and _ fuck I really wanna do that again.  _

His lips are tingling. 

“That was—“ Okay, he clears his throat  _ two _ times. Whatever. “That was… better.” Evan feels like even if it wasn’t better, which it was, he’d still tell Connor it was better just so he could feel that again. 

Connor licks his lips, gives Evan a crooked grin. His hands are still on Evan’s jaw but they’ve fallen a little bit to rest half on his neck, and Evan’s having a really hard time concentrating. He’s sure the weed hasn’t hit him that fast, though. “Yeah?”

“Mhmm, yep. Better.”

_ Stop talking.  _

A beat of silence. Connor’s looking at his fucking  _ mouth _ . 

“We should— we should do that again,” Evan blurts out, because Connor’s been licking his lips so much that they’re turning pinker and Evan’s got all this pent up energy from trying to stay as still as possible while this whole thing transpired and. Connor just looks kissable, really. His hair is all tousled from laying on Evan’s lap and he’s got these permanent bedroom eyes and also Evan just likes having an excuse to breathe Connor’s air, and what if he just like  _ accidentally _ leans in further and kisses him? And if Connor’s not into it he could just play it off as a  _ whoops, sorry I kissed you, haha, _ and then they could never talk about it again. 

“Absolutely not,” Connor says, and Evan pouts. “You’re a newbie. It’ll fuck you up.”

“I don’t feel anything,” Evan tells him, although he’s pretty sure he’s feeling literally everything. 

Connor laughs, still just inches away from Evan’s fucking face. Why hasn’t he moved away yet? “You’re not supposed to. Not yet, anyway.”

“Oh.”

More silence. Connor’s just looking at him, gently tapping his fingers in this off-beat rhythm on Evan’s neck and Evan’s fingers tense because he really wants to be touching Connor right now. 

“Do you, um…” Connor scrunches up his forehead. “We could… do it again. Just. One more time. It won’t hurt.”

Evan swallows roughly, balling his hands into fists so he doesn’t accidentally move them. “Really? It won’t…” Evan licks his lips when he notices Connor’s eyes flick to them again. 

Or maybe it’s a contact high, or something. He can’t be feeling it this quickly. He  _ can’t _ . 

It has to be Connor. 

“No, um… no. It’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Evan exhales, and he swears Connor inches closer. 

“Okay,” Connor says back. 

Neither of them move. 

“Um.” Evan squeaks, because of course he’s got to break the silence. “Don’t you need… the… the, y’know.”

“Oh! Yeah. Right. You’re right.”

And neither of them move. 

“I need the joint,” Connor says, fingers inching up Evan’s face to rest on his cheeks. 

“Yeah,” Evan agrees, not really hearing him. 

All he can really hear is his heartbeat. 

“So I’ll. I’ll get that.”

“Okay.”

Connor’s not moving. The tension between the two is unbearable, and Connor’s looking at him like he’s something to be desired, and Evan really wants to kiss him but, like, what if he’s reading into this all wrong? What if this is just… a symptom of being high, or something? That they’re both just really touchy-feely toward each other? They are best friends, after all. Maybe Connor’s just, like, really touchy with the people he’s closest to. Evan wouldn’t know. Connor’s not close with anyone else. 

Connor’s hands are slipping into Evan’s hair. 

“Okay…” Connor whispers on a breath, laughing just a little bit when Evan leans closer, and like, what the fuck is he doing, _leaning_ _closer_, but then Connor’s _also_ leaning closer and it’s like Evan’s brain has separated from his body because the next thing he knows, he’s leaning in and kissing Connor Murphy on the mouth. 

They don’t really move. Not at first. There’s a full five seconds of just lip on lip contact; they’re just sitting there with their mouths pressed together, but then Evan lets out the breath he’s been holding in and that just changes the whole fucking game. Because then Connor lets out the breath  _ he’s _ been holding and turns his head just a little, gripping the roots of Evan’s hair, and he’s pulled forward and has to reach a blind hand out to catch himself and then he realizes his hand has just landed on Connor’s thigh. 

Which makes Connor gasp, which makes him open his mouth more, and Evan’s hand slips forward on Connor’s thigh, and then they’re really fucking kissing because their lips slot together  _ just right _ , and the drag of Evan’s bottom lip over Connor’s is just. Heavenly. And then Connor’s hands are on his jaw again, he presses blunt fingernails into the spot behind Evan’s ears, sighing warm against Evan’s mouth and then Evan just  _ has _ to kiss him harder. Like. They’re already kissing, and Connor’s responding, and. He doesn’t make the rules. He just has to. 

Evan makes this embarrassing breathy noise against Connor’s lips, and he moves forward because he just can’t help himself when Connor makes one too. And of course in that exact moment he happens to lose his balance, and Connor breaks the kiss to catch him, but. He seems to overestimate because he leans forward but he leans forward just a little too far, falling right on top of Evan so he’s got his knees on either side of Evan’s legs and Evan’s head hits the hardwood floor with a thud.

“Ow, fuck,” Evan laughs, looking up at Connor and Connor’s cackling, leaning down to press their foreheads together and cradle the back of his head. 

“I’m sorry,” Connor manages to choke out between giggles. 

“You don’t— you don’t  _ sound _ sorry,” Evan says back. 

And it takes only a couple of seconds for the smile to fall from Evan’s face, because.

Reality sets in, as it always does. Connor’s mirroring his own terrified expression, searching Evan’s face again like he’s waiting for one of them to say something. 

Evan’s kind of speechless, though. 

“You… I didn’t...” Connor starts, shaking his head but still holding Evan’s in his hands. “Can I just— can we—“

“Yeah— yes, yeah.  _ Yes _ .”

Connor’s hands are warm Evan’s neck and he’s nodding so hard that he feels a little crazy and a lot in love. Connor licks his lips, nodding back, eyes trained on Evan. “Okay.”

And with those short words Evan’s tugging Connor forward with two hands on his back. Their teeth bump together at first, which makes them both laugh breathlessly and then they’re mostly just smiling against each other, but by the time Connor readjusts them again they’ve got the hang of it. It still feels a little awkward and weird but mostly magical when they do get it, and Connor’s hands skate down to Evan’s waist. Evan audibly gasps when Connor’s cold fingers slip under the hem of his t-shirt, linking his arms around Connor’s neck. 

It’s too late when they hear the creak of the door opening. 

“Holy. Fucking. Shit.”

Evan practically pushes Connor off of him, and his hands fly from around Connor’s neck to hit the ground and there’s Jared, standing at the entrance to Connor’s room with this knowing smirk on his face. 

“I mean, I came all the way back here to get my bookbag, but… a live gay porno works too.”

“Please leave,” Evan says, voice breaking, throwing an arm over his face. 

Evan can’t see Connor, and he’s not sure that he really even  _ wants _ to see Connor at this current time, but he doesn’t say anything. Which is concerning. 

“Oh my god, I can’t  _ believe _ this,” Jared laughs, crossing the room to grab his bag. Evan keeps his arm firmly pressed against his face. “I fucking knew it.”

“ _ Good for you _ ,” Connor sneers under his breath, and Evan can’t help but crack a smile when he imagines the look on his face. 

“Zoe,” Jared calls, stepping through the doorway, “You owe me ten bucks!”

And then he slams the door.

And then it’s just the two of them.

And Evan’s laying there, trying to catch his breath, and Connor’s somewhere and he’s  _ not talking  _ and _ neither of them are talking _ , they’re just. Not doing anything. 

And. They just  _ kissed _ . Like, consensually. Like, Connor wanted to kiss Evan, and Evan wanted to kiss Connor, and then they  _ did _ . 

What the fuck happens now?

Connor clears his throat and Evan wants to jump out the window. 

“Evan.”

“Hi,” Evan says quietly.

“Move your arm.”

He peeks under his arm just a bit, just enough to make eye contact with Connor, and he’s just sitting there with his knees pulled up to his chest, biting back a smile and his hair is still ruffled up, which  _ totally _ doesn’t make Evan feel anything in his groin area, and he just. Wants to kiss him again, frankly. 

“Hi,” Evan says again, because that seems to be the only word in the English language that he currently remembers. 

“Hello,” Connor says back, rolling his eyes.

It’s quiet. 

And then Evan feels this bubbling feeling in his chest, like some delayed reaction to everything that’s just happened, because then he feels the corners of his mouth curl up and he can’t hold back the sudden snort that escapes him because. 

“Jared just caught us making out,” Evan says stupidly, moving his arm to cover his mouth because it’s like once he starts laughing he just can’t stop. “Fuck.”

That seems to egg Connor on because then he’s laughing, and when Evan finally removes his arm from his face Connor’s got his head buried in his hands, shoulders shaking. 

“They were  _ betting on it _ ,” Connor gasps out, and Evan can see how much he’s laughing through the gap in his hands. Connor’s got the prettiest laugh, and the way lines form around his mouth when he laughs is one of Evan’s most favorite things in the entire world.

“Jared was texting me eggplant emojis,” Evan says, which just makes Connor laugh harder. 

“Oh my god, come  _ here _ ,” Connor says between giggles, reaching out for Evan’s hands. He pulls him up off the floor so they’re sitting face to face, and Evan still tries to avoid Connor’s eyes because he’s still not quite sure what the fuck just happened and what it all means. 

They’re still holding each other’s hands. 

“I am… so sorry I did that,” Connor says, but he’s still smiling. “I didn’t even, like. Ask if you wanted to…  _ y’know _ . But, like… I’m glad I did, though.”

Evan’s heart jumps. “Wait.  _ You _ … initiated things?”

Connor narrows his eyes. “Yes?”

“I  _ swear _ I leaned in first,” Evan says, reddening when Connor bites his lip to keep from laughing, “Like, I thought you were gonna… push me away, or something.”

“Ev, we both know you’d never lean in first.”

Evan scoffs, leaning in closer just to prove a point. His head feels delightfully heavy, fuzzy; like all of the weight in the world has been removed from his shoulders. “I’m— I’m offended, actually. I totally leaned in first.  _ I _ kissed  _ you _ .”

It’s the first time they’ve actually said it, and it shows on both of their rosy faces and how out of breath Connor sounds when he speaks. “No way. It was me.”

“You’re wrong, but— but whatever. Believe what you want, I guess.”

“Listen…” Connor tilts his chin toward Evan’s, actively looking at his mouth. “No matter who kissed who first… at least I can say  _ I _ kissed you the second time.”

They inch closer to each other. “Didn’t we technically… like, didn’t we already kiss twice?”

“Ugh, what _ ever _ ,” Connor groans, hands on Evan’s shoulders. “I kissed you third.”

Evan drops his hands to Connor’s knees, and he feels like he’s in a dream. “We’ll see about that.”


End file.
